Well, we’re officially in my favorite month y’all! Fall is here (at least that’s what they tell us here in the South) spooky season is in full swing, there’s a few cool breezes swinging through and it’s almost time to break out the sweaters. I am allllllllllllll the way here for it! It’s been crazy in our household (as per usual) and although I pray it settles down here a little soon, I have all ideas we’re running until at least the New Year.  We have officially moved back into my childhood home, renovations are happening (everywhere) and y’all: the stress is real! Our baby boy turns ONE in November, the holidays are fast approaching and wedding season is still in full swing. Thankfully, my whole house thrives in chaos (as long as it’s slightly organized. By me. 🙂 ) And with everything going on in the world today, boy am I grateful for my chaos and loved ones!

For this blog post, we’re going to talk about a topic that, at the heart of it, is near and dear to me.  Its mostly geared to the LGBTQ community, but really its for everyone!  The root message here is that every person deserves to feel beautiful, comfortable and like they look absolutely amazing on their wedding day.  Regardless of how that shows up on the outside for the rest of the world.  I am so grateful for how far we have come as a culture in so many ways (even though, yes, we have an incredibly far way yet to go).  The traditions and even conditions of getting married have changed drastically over the years, and I think most of us can agree for the better! I keep looking to the future with hope for even more change, open-mindedness and acceptance across the board, and I live in today grateful for the progress that has been made.  I am so grateful to be able to be married to my wife, and to not have to hide quite as often in the world out of fear that who I am as a human is fundamentally wrong.  It can be easy to forget, or to ignore what people went through before us, the battles that they fought simply to be who they were, and to allow us in the future to be who we are with less fear. And even with so much progress made, it can be scary to be in the world, constantly aware that not everyone feels you have the same rights in the world that they do. Thankfully, those people seem to be becoming fewer and farther in between: and when you do stumble across them, don’t let them steal your shine.  You’re beautiful just the way you are, and you most certainly aren’t broken or defective.  

What you wear on your wedding day, whether its a suit or a dress, is a once in a lifetime outfit.  I think one of the “traditions” of weddings that hasn’t really changed as much is all of the focus is on “the dress.”  The poor groom (most of the time) is in a suit that somehow seems like an afterthought cause its just not as “one time only” as a wedding gown.  But I’m here to say, it shouldn’t be that way! Whether its two grooms, a bride and a groom or two brides, the suit(s) should be thought about and curated just as much as the wedding gown. Gotta say it too, its a much wiser investment! You’ll get way more than one wear out of a good suit, when that dress, at best, will end up cleaned and preserved, most likely never to be worn again.  But where in the world do you start, finding a great suit for a woman?? I’m so glad you asked 🙂

I’m just going to go ahead and drop a key word here: bespoke.  Bespoke simply means custom, created specifically for the client.  Most men’s suits come “off the rack,” and that’s great…if you’re a guy.  Attempting to get a perfect fit on a woman’s body from a man’s suit is…challenging.  It will honestly never be achieved with an off the rack suit, unless it is specifically styled like a man’s suit but cut for a woman’s body. As you can imagine, almost impossible to find.  They DO exist, although most sources are strictly online. I don’t know about you, but the thought of ordering online and not being able to actually see, feel or try freaks me completely out.  I don’t like doing it for my daily clothing, much less as important a clothing item as this! If you do go this route, just make sure you give yourself LOTS of time, and make sure to use a company that will quickly and efficiently make any changes you need.

It can also be a little more difficult if you live in a rural area to find a vendor that does bespoke suits: a trip to the closest “big” city will probably be in order! We live in a relatively large town, but in the South and specifically the Bible belt: we had one place in our town that provided a true bespoke suit, and thankfully they were amazing and an absolute joy to work with.  We were actually one of their first women clients, and they were excited to branch out and get to serve more LGBTQ clients (totally awesome and really made my heart happy).  Walking in, my wife and I were both nervous.  It is a sad fact that we do still live in a time where we can be denied a service because of sexuality.  One of the hardest parts of planning our wedding was overcoming that fear of potentially coming across a vendor that would refuse us service because of who we were. We were so blessed, and never had to experience that, but nothing will ever take away the experience of that fear.  Don’t let those fears take away from your experience! You deserve to plan and be happy and excited just like every other couple out there: go in to each interaction knowing that you 100% deserve to be there and have the service provided to you that you are searching for.  Most people are actually good people, and even if they don’t totally understand or know all of the right words and references, they try! That’s all we can really ask for at the end of the day: that we all just try to show some kindness.  

Once you find a vendor that can create your bespoke suit, the process in a lot of ways is the same as those dream gowns.  First, she selected the style of suit that she liked, and what all pieces she wanted.  She opted for the jacket and the pants, no vest.  Next up, every aspect of the suit is selected, from color/print, inside jacket color/print, buttons, to thread color.  If anything, that’s the point where it gets a little overwhelming: there’s every option in the world and nailing down exactly what you want can be a little challenging.  Start with the largest choice first and then make the smaller selections based on that! Once all of those selections were made, all of her measurements were taken, and then the suit went into the works! Most places, even bespoke and just like a wedding dress, the garment is made elsewhere and shipped to the purchasing location.  There were several trips for fittings and minor alterations to be made until everything was perfect, and believe me, perfect it was! It fit like…well, like it was made for her! During those last alterations days, the final accessory selections were made, from the Brackish bowtie to the cufflinks and shoes.

Now, lets talk about those shoes for a minute! Yet another area that can get a little sticky if you’re a woman but looking for a more masculine style.  If you’re a woman that already tends to wear men’s shoes, then you already know the trick! If you’re a size 8, you’ve got a chance at finding a man’s shoe style small enough to fit.  If you’re smaller than a size 8: you’re stuck in the little boy’s section and let’s face it: it’s not great. Time for one more trick! Since you’re going all out with that bespoke suit (and it still probably costs a nice chunk less than that wedding gown) you’ve got a little room to up your shoe game! Designer and luxury men’s shoes come in one or two sizes smaller than generic brands, so although you may spend more, you’ll get a good fit in a shoe that doesn’t look like your little brother could wear them to church 🙂 Don’t have the budget to drop that kind of money on the shoes? Rent them! It’s a thing.

As always, don’t forget the little details! They really do make all of the difference.  Plus, they’re a great way to really put your own shine and personality in! Cufflinks, bowties, ties, suspenders, socks, pocket squares…there’s tons of accessories to tie your whole look together.  Even the shirt that you select: don’t let it be an afterthought! A note on that: go for the woman’s style dress shirt unless you’re also getting the shirt tailored.  If you want to take your jacket off at any point, you’ll want your shirt to fit as perfectly as your jacket to keep your whole look clean and put together.  A woman’s cut versus a men’s cut will be tapered in the areas it needs to be to highlight you: curvy or stick straight, it will still be much more flattering and intentional looking as well as laying nicely under your jacket.

This post isn’t entirely for the LGBTQ community: there’s a whole new world out there for brides that aren’t really here for the dress! Don’t feel like you have to wear a gown: it really isn’t every single girl’s dream.  Some girls dread it…and that’s as normal as loving it.  There is absolutely no rule that says you have to wear a wedding gown because you’re straight.  Thank God 🙂 It’s actually becoming popular enough that most wedding dress stores have a small selection of women’s suits available, and I would absolutely love to see that grow! I have to say, a lot of them look incredibly high fashion, and if you really love rocking pants over a dress you can be a total show stopper! The level of drama added cannot be denied: its so uncommon to see a bride in a suit it won’t soon be forgotten.  Add a pair of “to die for” shoes and I’m sold. 

I think it’s important to mention too: you aren’t getting dressed on your wedding day for anyone other than you and your partner.  The people we love have lots of opinions (moms, friends, siblings, MIL…the list goes on) and we hear them all, but don’t let them put you in a place where you’re uncomfortable for them to be comfortable.  Take what you need but leave the rest, stand in your truth and voice what you like and what makes you feel comfortable.  Feel beautiful. Rock the suit. Happy planning y’all!